Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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