we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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