There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
