He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
