If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize