So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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