I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
