she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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