Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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