Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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