i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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