Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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