yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
