a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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