everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
