Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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