I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
