He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
