So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
