Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
