Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got inside last night via doggy door
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
