then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so that wasnt chicken after all
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
