I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize