I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
