I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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