It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
