i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
