hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
