I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
