I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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