So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
