Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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