When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
