No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
