I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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