i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
