Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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