I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
