If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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