Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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