i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
