Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're like the curious george of whores
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
