I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
