every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
