MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
3 2 1 whiskey
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
