My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
