So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
