Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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