When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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