I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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