I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
