why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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