I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
