NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
