Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize