There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize