After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
