someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
