This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
