So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
