she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it because I queefed?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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