Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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