"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
