and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
