exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
