You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
