how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
