U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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