Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
