hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
