Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
