the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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